When Words Aren't Needed

This morning I had a wake up call of sorts, a wake-up call with no sound. My 3 year old, Paris had a hard time waking up due to the time change and losing an hour. I had been up in the middle of the night with Jack and tired myself. Jack was crying so I got him up and peeked my head in Paris' room to ask her to come downstairs. "Oh can you carry me?" she crustily cried. "No, I'm already carrying Jack, come on you can do it." "Oh will you hold my hand down the stairs?", she requested. "Sure, I can do that." We got downstairs and I asked her to get dressed while I got Jack changed and fed. Paris continued to whine and cry, not budging from where she had plopped herself on the couch. After a little coaxing and a few threats she finally got dressed while very noisily protesting. Then it was time to eat and she didn't like the way it was prepared, how you go wrong with Fruit Loops (again I was tired and not worried about nutrition) I'll never know. At this point she had been fortold her future of going back upstairs to bed and maybe her bum smarting a little on the way if she didn't eat. And again I was distracted by making lunches. Then I noticed the noise had stopped. I looked over in Paris' direction and I see her face - happiness, tears gone, a smile travelling from ear to ear. Her sister Elise was giving her a big bear hug, arms wrapped all the way around her, holding her tight - not saying a word. As the day has progressed, I reflect on this more and my failure to see what Paris needed the moment she awoke so tired. I have had to ask how did Ellse know what she needed? The answer to that disturbs me more. Elise is our 6 year old who is a year behind her twin in school due to health and developmental challenges, she is a bright little girl but has trouble expressing her emotions properly sometimes if at all. Aaron and I often realize she may be left out or left behind at times. She is the most generous soul who won't demand what she needs. She once (at 4) gave a whole pack of Smarties, with tears in her eyes not saying a word, to her her little sister who dropped hers - because that is what she thought I meant by "can you share some". And now today I find myself remembering all the times she has come into the kitchen to watch me cook and I tell her to back up from the heat - cause the girl just doesn't have spacial understanding - but I don't hug her or ask her to keep talking to me from a distance. Or the times she comes and just stands next to me and stares at me with those big brown eyes with nothing really that makes sense to say and I really don't know what she wants but I'm a little uncomfortable with how close she's standing to me. I think she showed me today by her own empathy what she so badly needs. I can tell you there is one little Kindergartener who is going to get a huge bear hug herself today round about 12:05 PM when school gets out and hopefully everytime she needs to be near me.

March 9, 2009